Anyway, this is the best news I've had all week:
Actress's blubbering makes British wince
[F]ailing her own actorly advice to "gather," she began hyperventilating and burst into convulsive sobs on stage. [Kate] Winslet then went on to pay tribute to people no one had ever heard of, like her agents and makeup artists; announced that she loved her co-star, Leonardo DiCaprio, "with all my heart"; forgot Angelina Jolie's name; and generally behaved as if she had just learned that a donor heart had finally been found, enabling her transplant operation to go ahead after all.
Oh, my God, was the general reaction in Britain.
"Most people watching actually wanted, literally, to die," wrote Caitlin Moran in The Times of London.
Referring to Gwyneth Paltrow's tear-stained speech after winning an Academy Award for "Shakespeare in Love" in 1999, Alexander Chancellor wrote in The Guardian that Winslet's performance "was so weird that I felt it might have been intended as a joke - a deliberate parody of Gwyneth Paltrow to show up the vanity of Hollywood stars."
Keep that stiff upper lip, Brits, please! Continue to stuff your shirts! We're all counting on you!